On March 14, the world celebrates International Pi Day (3.14). First observed in 1988 at the Exploratorium science museum in San Francisco, the holiday was conceived by physicist Larry Shaw. He noticed that in the American date format, March 14 (3/14) perfectly matches the first digits of the famous mathematical constant π = 3.14… The date is doubly symbolic as it also marks the birthday of Albert Einstein, the father of the theory of relativity.
A Total Pi Day for Russia…
Legend has it that Babylonian sorcerers discovered the number “Pi” while building their famous tower. However, inaccurate calculations supposedly led to the collapse of the ambitious project. Today, it seems the architects of modern Russia have also badly miscalculated their formulas for the world order. By ignoring the laws of reality, they are steadily leading the country toward its own Babylonian finale.
Having survived the harsh totalitarian school of the USSR, Russians are masters of Aesopian language. Under the Putin regime, this skill has once again become vital for survival, allowing citizens to bypass censorship and call things by their real names while hiding behind innocent mathematical symbols. Today, the number “Pi” is perhaps the most precise term in this dictionary of defiance. It serves as an elegant substitute for the popular Russian profanity pizdets, which signifies total catastrophe, systemic collapse, and the ultimate degree of hopelessness.
Ask any Russian: “How are things in the country right now?” and they will most likely answer: “It’s a total Pi…”
- How is the economy? – 3.14!
- How is the internet? – Loading at a 3.14 pace…
- What about quality of life and healthcare? – Chronic 3.14!
- Are utilities expensive? – Yes, it’s just 3.14!
- What about the courts and human rights? – Long ago 3.14!
- And freedom of speech? – You get jailed for that now, so it’s a total 3.14!
- What are they saying about the war with Ukraine? – One continuous 3.14!
If you ask about the government or the president, the number “Pi” will likely be followed by a string of complex obscenities or a heavy sigh: “3.14 squared.”
Ultimately, the Russian Federation could easily be renamed the Country of 3.14, with March 14 officially declared its most important national holiday.